"What can you do? Give the client the results of his hearing tests, discuss the options that he has and then give him time. Help him along in his grieving process 'the five stages of grieving'. When he's ready, he'll come back.
So, what are the five stages of grieving? The concept of these stages was first conceived by Elisabeth Kubler Ross, a renowned Swiss-American psychiatrist. She gave the Western World new insight into the treatment and care of the terminally ill. In her best-selling book, On Death and Dying (1969), she discusses the five psychological stages the terminally ill go through ... denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance.
These 'five stages of grieving' can also be applied to other life-changing experiences of pain or loss -- traumatic events like divorce, illness, loss of limb or more specifically the impairment of a sense such as hearing.
Any degree of hearing loss will have a negative impact on a person's life. It will affect his ability not only to communicate with loved ones, but to hear some of his favourite sounds, from music, to children laughing, to birds singing. His professional, family and social life will all be disrupted, leaving him feeling frustrated and at times isolated. Coping with this loss is not an overnight process. Before he can come to terms with his condition and seek out assistance, he will undergo all of the five stages of grieving.
The first stage in this process of grieving is denial. In "On Death and Dying", Kubler-Ross states, "Denial functions as a buffer after unexpected shocking news, allows the patient to collect himself and, with time, mobilize other, less radical defences ... Denial is usually a partial defence and will soon be replaced with partial acceptance." Recognizing that there is something wrong, is perhaps the hardest part, especially if the hearing loss is gradual. Perhaps this is because even people with "normal" hearing have difficulty hearing in some situations ... at a public gathering, in a crowd, or in a noisy restaurant. Often a friend or a family member will notice a problem even before the individual concerned. But, when confronted, they will remain adamant, "My hearing is fine. Just speak up a little."
When denial can no longer be maintained, it is often replaced with feelings of anger, rage, envy, and resentment. Individuals may begin to lash out at everyone and everything in their frustration. This second stage is generally not focused on just one person, but at everyone. They may be angry at the audiologist who tested their hearing. "Your equipment is faulty. I need a second opinion." They may even go through a period where they resent those who have no trouble hearing. Keep in mind, if you are a family member or friend of someone going through this stage, this anger may feel like it's being directed at you. Don't take it personally. This is a process your loved one must go through to accept his condition.
Kubler-Ross argues that the third stage of bargaining, "...is really an attempt to postpone..." For a hearing impaired person, this may translate to postponing getting their hearing tested, or purchasing hearing aids. They may use excuses like "My hearing isn't that bad. People always mumble. If they would only speak clearer, I would be able to understand. Alright, if it gets any worse, then I'll go."
Kubler-Ross also outlines the fourth stage of grieving in her book. She suggests, "when the...patient can no longer deny his illness, when he is forced to undergo more surgery or hospitalization, when he begins to have more symptoms ... he cannot smile it off anymore. His numbness or stoicism, his anger and rage will soon be replaced with a sense of great loss ..." Once again, this can apply to the hearing impaired. When all excuses have been exhausted, he can no longer deny that he is having difficulty hearing. Like the terminally ill patient, he too will sink into depression. He has lost hope and grieves for everything that has changed and for the hearing sensations he will no longer be able to fully experience. People with hearing loss who have a close family life, find it emotionally painful to deal with their loss. They get tired of saying, "Huh? What? Pardon me?" They recognize this is disruptive to conversation and they slowly begin to withdraw or distance themselves from their families.
Given time, a person will eventually come to terms with their hearing loss and reach the final stage of acceptance. As Kubler-Ross denotes "If a patient has had enough time ... and has been given some help in working through the previously described stages, he will reach a stage during which he is neither depressed nor angry about his "fate." He will have been able to express his previous feelings, his envy ... [and] his anger ... He will have mourned the impending loss ..." Only when he has reached this point will he be ready to ask "What can I do to hear better? Is there a hearing device that will help me?"
The transition between each of these stages is not abrupt. A person will move gradually from denial to anger, anger to bargaining, bargaining to depression and depression to acceptance. For example, as he begins to realize he can no longer deny his condition, he becomes angrier and more resentful. Eventually this anger dissipates and is replaced with excuses or reasons why the hearing loss is not permanent. As these excuses run out, depression sets in. The duration each of these stages will last varies with each individual.
Daniel Allen gave an interesting example of this, "The time between when a person leaves my office and when they return varies. Sometimes it may be as long as two years before they are ready to accept their situations. Sometimes they go through this process quickly ... you never know. The important thing is that they come back when THEY are ready. I had a case recently where I gave a gentleman a hearing test and after talking to him, thought to myself "there is no way that this person is ready to be fitted for a hearing aid right now." He left the office, but to my amazement he returned two days later."
Only when the patient recognizes that unlike in death, something can be done to improve his quality of life, will he be ready to seek out help. The most important thing to realize is that before a hard-of-hearing person is ready to 'get help', he must go through the grieving process and come to terms with his condition.
Link :- hearingcenteronline.com/ newsletter/may00f.shtml
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